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Crustic America

Fresh from the Northwoods of Wisconsin

Crustic Translation Tool

Are you often in awe of how real estate agents can make even the worst property sound great in their listings?  As you read through the listings, we hope our translation tool will help! Other suggestions, send ’em our way!

Listing TermReality
CozyDollhouse Small
PrivyOuthouse
NestledIt's very near someone or something else
All about the viewThe house stinks
As IsYou get what you get and nothing more
Off the GridNo electric, water, septic, people, towns, etc. May not be a bad thing
Meticulously KeptThe decor is from 1950, but it's very clean for its age
SpaciousWe'll be the judge of that
Handyman DelightThere's a lot lurking in those walls that you are going to need to fix
CharmingOld...Paul Revere Old.
Must See InsideThe outside looks like a large shed, but don't let that fool you!
UniqueYou will either love it or hate it. Think bright pink versus light grey or taupe.
Bring Your IdeasSee Handyman Delight
Priced to SellNo one else has wanted this house so far. Give us an offer...please...pretty please.
Needs Some TLCIt's a tear down
Beautiful LandscapingThe house is a disaster, so focus on the yard.
First time listed outside of the familyAll land has been sold off to pay for the taxes and all interior items are from the 60's.

 

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As we searched across the Northwoods of Wisconsin, for for a relaxing cabin in the woods, what we found was the basis for the word we termed as "Crustic." Consider it a healthy amount of crustiness added to a rustic base for a stew of "What were they thinking?" The photos here are from actual real estate listings attempting to sell these treasures.
The Latest Crustic
  • January 14, 2018
       Not Sure What This Is

    Fresh from the Northwoods of Wisconsin, Welcome To Crustic America!

    As we searched for the vacation…

  • May 15, 2020
       Bedrooms

    Please Tend the Fire, Little Ones

    And why wouldn’t you have dolls…

  • February 29, 2020
       Living Room

    Bumper Pool Anyone?

    Nothing says Northern Wisconsin like a…

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  • May 31, 2018
       Bathrooms

    Time to Wash Up

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  • January 26, 2018
       Not Sure What This Is

    I See Myself

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